Wife Swap: Cullen's and Goven
by lexilex17
Summary: The Cullen's sign up for show Wife Swap. Two OC's. Rated T for language. No Nessie or Wolves.
1. Introduction

In this story the Cullen's sign up for Wife Swap. (Of course they would never actually do this) the story is set after Eclipse but before Breaking Dawn. I have nothing against Nessie or Jake but I didn't really want them in my story.

Also this story is set as a mini story involving the characters from my original story Twilight Plus Two (TPT). You don't have to read that story first, in fact that story doesn't even reference this one but some references in that story is made in this one so I'll inform all of you on what those are and what they mean. The main characters of this is story is the new family, the Cullen's, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Edward, and Bella but Bella isn't married to Edward yet as sorta said before. The story does however have the same twists as in TPT. I have two OC characters: Alexis and Cooper. Alexis, most often referred to as Lexi or Lex, is Jaspers mate in my stories. Cooper, or sometimes Coopy Goopy (will explain later), is Alice's mate.

**More changes:**

All Cullen's can eat food (I personally don't understand why they couldn't so I made that change in my stories).

Only Edward sparkles (my theory is that because he was sick when changed he's different. I'm sorry I don't mean to pick on Edward but I got the idea in my head so now its stuck there. Sorry.)

The couples: Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rosalie, Alice and Cooper, Jasper and Alexis, Bella and Edward.

**Some background information:**

Alexis moved to Forks with her Aunt Mary and her 4 twin sisters. But all the sets of twins were born on different days so in order of age and birthday its: Ashley and Sara; June 3rd, Alexis and Emma; June 4th, MaKayla (deceased) and Carli; June 5th. MaKayla didn't die in TPT she was already gone before then. Alexis and Jasper are mates and they met at school. (Read the whole story in TPT! ;) ) Alexis' parents both died when she and her sisters were ten years old. Alexis often stays with the Cullen's at their house because Mary is usually never home because she's out partying and drinking and she let's the girls do whatever they want as long as it doesn't inconvenience her.

Alexis also has a select set of gifts that she uses to defend herself such as, reading minds, seeing the future, controlling elements, etc. Her sisters also have gifts.

Cooper is called Coopy Goopy because one day Jasper made Edward in love with Cooper because he was annoying Jasper. So Edward was being all lovey towards Cooper and Cooper ran away with Edward calling Wait Coopy Goopy after him.

If there's any other things that come up I'll explain them.

Please no hateful comments. Hate gets us no where and if you don't like it then please tell me what you think could be fixed in a calm mature manner. But if you're telling me to fix the plot please don't. This is my story and I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude but this is how I'm going to write it. Constructive criticism is welcome as long as its not about the plot.

If I missed anything that normally happens in wife swap that I didn't put in this story feel free to let me know so I can add that. Thank you guys and I Hope you enjoy!

:))


	2. Chapter One

**First chapter! Hope you enjoy! Here's the key for the different point of views:**

**Carlisle: CAPV**  
**Esme: ESPV**  
**Edward: EDPV**  
**Rosalie: RPV**  
**Emmett: EMPV**  
**Cooper: COPV**  
**Alexis: LPV**  
**Jasper: JPV**  
**Alice: APV**  
**Bella: BPV**  
**Melinda Goven: MPV**  
**Any others I'll write out!**

EMPV

"What are you watching?" I asked Lexi and Alice.

"Wife swap. Wanna watch with us?" Lexi asked me.

I shuddered, "Ew a girly show. Nasty!"

Lexi sighed at me like she does when I do something she doesn't approve of or do something stupid. "You don't even know what its about."

Alice giggled.

"Well than what's it about?" I asked pretending to be interested when really I wasn't. I was only pretending so Lexi couldn't whine to Jasper that I was being stereotypical. Whatever that word means.

"Its where two families switch moms for two weeks and then they sorta like evaluate each others family and at the end of the first week the new mom gets to make changes that the family has to follow." She explained.

At first I thought it sounded like total crap but then I had an idea.

"Okay let me watch this Wife Swap."

"See its not that bad." Alice smiled when the show was over.

I smiled. "You guys I have a plan."

Both of their faces fell. Stupid future seers.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Lexi stated.

My eyes widened. "You betrayer! You're usually always on my side when it comes to fun things! There's nothing wrong with this idea!"

Alice was on my side, "He's right, I've seen it. It'll all work out fine. Come on Lexi, lt'll be super fun I promise!"

She sighed in that way she does when she's not sure about something.

I gave her my puppy dog eyes. They worked on Rosie, why not on Lexi.

Lexi nodded, "Fine. But if we get in trouble its your fault."

"Yes!" I jumped up and down. "Okay Alice and Lexi, you go fill out the forms and I'll get the video ready.

LPV

This is a bad idea. I could feel it. Alice and I filled out the form that we printed out and we heard Emmett doing the video.

He knocked on the door after a few minutes. "Got any pictures of all of us?"

We finished the video, adding in pictures of everyone as Emmett talked about us in Carlisle's voice. The video was awful and there was no way we'd get picked, but I didn't tell Emmett that. Alice had gone away to find Edward and swear him to secrecy.

Alice came back a half hour later with the rest of the family. She nodded to me saying Edward wouldn't tell anyone. Instantly I thought of the video and burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry." I gasped between giggles.

"You should be!" Cooper yelled at me, trying not to laugh himself.

Jasper put his arms around me and kissed my cheek. "What's so funny darlin'?"

I began to giggle again, "Nothing, just something Emmett showed me."

"Can I see?"

My giggle fit stopped instantly, "No you can't see."

Jasper was confused on my sudden change of mood but didn't question it. His arms released me and he moved away from me looking confused.

I feared he was mad at me or thought I was mad at him. Either way his sudden behavior worried me.

I walked over to him and hugged him from the side. He put his arms back around me holding me at his side and never letting go.

A few weeks had passed and we hadn't heard anything from the Wife Swap crew. By the start of the third week we'd basically given up hope. We'd figured we hadn't been picked but still wouldn't they have sent a letter rejecting us? On Friday we checked one last time but still came up with nothing. In fact there wasn't any mail at all.

"You kids have been checking the mail for weeks. What are you waiting for?" Esme asked when Emmett, Alice and, I sat down on the couches in the living room defeated.

"Nothing." Emmett sighed.

Esme looked at him clearly not believing him, "Well it's got to be something. You guys never go check the mail. What's coming that you wanted?"

"We're waiting for Alice's magazine." I told her.

She scoffed, "Right Emmett's waiting for a girly magazine."

"We might as well tell her considering we didn't get in." I told Emmett and Alice.

They nodded.

"Tell me what?" Esme asked.

"Emmett signed us up for Wife Swap but we didn't get in."

Esme's eyes were wide. "And you didn't ask?"

Emmett shrugged.

"Well, its okay. We didn't get in so its not a big deal. But I'm sorry you're disappointed." Esme said after a few moments.

The door opened and slammed shut. "CHILDREN!" Carlisle's voice echoed throughout the house.

"Or maybe you did get in." Esme semi smiled.

She got up to try and calm her husband.

One by one the other members of the house came downstairs.

"If we get in trouble for this your dead Emmett Cullen." Edward threatened him.

Rosalie sat next to Emmett. "What'd you do?"

Carlisle came into the room and slammed the Wife Swap envelope down on the coffee table.

"Who was the genius that signed us up for this?" Carlisle demanded.

Jasper squeezed my hand.

"Jasper, don't you dare." Carlisle glared at him. He was trying to calm Carlisle and apparently Carlisle didn't like it.

"Who signed us up for this?" Carlisle demanded.

Esme put her hand on his arm, "Calm honey. Your not going to get anywhere by yelling."

Carlisle took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. He sat down on the coffee table and looked between us. "You're right. I'm sorry for yelling I'm just very stressed out from work and now to come home to this is well, fantastic. Kids, please, who and why?"

Emmett slowly raised his hand.

"Never saw that one coming," Carlisle mumbled sarcastically then louder asked, "why? Just why."

Emmett shrugged, "I thought it might be fun..."

"Do you even know what that shows about?"

"Yeah I watched it with Lexi and Alice." Emmett nodded.

I had a vision...if he was going down we were coming with him. "You douchecanoe! I was not involved!"

All eyes turned to me.

"I am not going down with you for this." I told Emmett.

Emmett looked at me confused, "You helped me make the video and you and Alice filled out the form."

I glared at him, "Shut up no I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Shut up no I didn't."

"Kids," Carlisle interrupted our arguing. "It doesn't matter. The date in this letter says April 13th. That's eight days from today. We have to do things to prepare for the new mother. Do we get any information on her?"

"No we don't. Its a complete surprise." I told him.

Carlisle sighed. "Even better."

"Esme you need to write a book." Alice chirped up.

"What?" Esme looked confused.

I nodded, "You need to write a rule book explaining what you do during a typical week so the new mom can do exactly as you would do. And you have to tell her what we usually do and what the rules of the house are."

"We have rules?" Emmett joked earning a disapproving look from Esme and Carlisle.

Cooper and Jasper chuckled.

Carlisle smirked, "We have rules, you just don't know how to follow them."

Jasper and Cooper began to ohhh and ahhhh.

"Burned by the old man." Cooper laughed at him.

"Old?" Carlisle questioned him in disbelief.

Now we all began to laugh.

I reassured him, "Its okay Carlisle, just because your over 380 years old doesn't mean you're actually old."

"Actually, I'm 373 thank you very much." He said glaring at me with a smile.

I shrugged. "I don't keep track."

"I like how off topic we can get. One minute we're talking about who entered us in Wife Swap and the next we're talking about how old Carlisle is." Edward grinned.

"You love it. Don't lie." Emmett boomed.

Bella nodded, "Edwards right. We should stick to one topic."

"I vote Carlisle's age!" Cooper shouted.

"No," Carlisle shook his head at his stupid son, "Esme's right we need to continue talking about this. And she apparently also needs to write a book."

Esme sighed, "What on Earth should I write? I don't know how to even begin..."

I jumped up, "I'll help!"

Esme and I went upstairs to Carlisle's study, Jasper following along not wanting to listen to Carlisle talk about how we need to act around the new mother. Not that he had much to tell, we all knew how we were supposed to act without his big speech.

"How should I start?" Esme asked grabbing a piece paper and a pen.

Jasper shrugged.

"Thanks for being helpful!" I joked. He rolled his eyes and sat down across from Esme at the desk.

"I'd just write something like welcome or hello or beware..." Jasper chuckled at the last part, "God I'm a funny person."

I couldn't help but laugh at him. He was a funny person.

As we teased each other, Esme began work on her book thing. She wrote a paragraph before showing it to Jasper and I.

"What do you think? Does it sounds okay?" She asked nervous. I didn't know why, it wasn't like she was writing a letter to the president or anything.

Jasper nodded, "Yeah it's fine." He nudged me, "See I'm helpful."

"I know you are." I smiled kissing him.

Carlisle walked in at that moment. "Ah ah ah ah, not in here! I don't want any diseases in my study!"

I gaped at him, "I do not have diseases!"

He shrugged, "You might I don't know and I wouldn't like to find out."

Jasper narrowed his eyes at Carlisle, "Lexi doesn't have diseases."

"The mating pull sure is strong in you isn't it?" Carlisle chuckled.

Esme smiled at Jasper and put her hand on his arm, "He was kidding dear. We know Lexi doesn't have diseases."

Jazzy smiled and nodded, "I gotcha."

"Come on Jazzy." I pulled at his arm "please."

He smiled a stood up nodded goodbye at Carlisle and Esme before following me out of the room.

MPV

"Honey its here!" My husband Jeremy called to me from the kitchen. I was supervising the children as they cleaned the living room to my impeccable standards.

Immediately I ran to the kitchen to open the letter. I knew exactly what Jeremy was talking about: the Wife Swap letter. We'd been waiting for weeks for it to come and now its finally arrived!

I snatched the letter from his hand and tore it open. I skimmed down the boring copy and pasted letter, all these people did was change the dates and names on this crap, and began jumping for joy.

Jeremy read over my shoulder, "Fantastic Melinda. Absolutely fantastic."

"Its divine my dear." I corrected.

I set down the letter and went back into the living room.

"Alissa! There is a spot of dust on that coffee table! Do I need to discipline you for disorderly disobedience?" I screeched.

Alissa looked down at the floor, "No ma'am."

"Look at your mother when she is speaking to you!" Jeremy came into the living and scolded her.

I clapped my hands to my kids' attention, "Listen up! The Wife Swap crew will be here in eight days to begin filming us. I want this house spotless! Any free time you once had will now be replaced by chores and cleaning!"

"You mean we had free time to begin with?" My oldest child Matt disobediently spoke back to my.

Jeremy got in his face, "Did I just hear you talk back to your mother?"

"Yes sir."

"Apologize this instant! That was not fantastic behavior!"

Matt stepped forward out of the line my children were in, "I'm sorry ma'am."

Jeremy came back to stand by me, "Fabulous."

**Wife Swap getting kicked off to a "fabulous" start! Don't forget to review and tell me what you think. Also if you have any questions please feel free to ask! :))**


	3. Chapter Two

APV

Today was the day! I was so excited I was like bouncing off the walls! The Wife Swap crew was coming to film us for a few hours and then in two days Esme would leave, which was the sad part, and we'd get a new mom!

"Alice, baby, calm down." Cooper wrapped me in his arms.

I was vibrating like mad! I felt a wave of calmness but it did nothing to stop my gyrating. More waves came over me each one stronger and stronger. I was getting irritated with that boy. He needs to let me be excited!

Cooper looked at Jasper to help him keep me under control.

He just shrugged, "I'm doing all I can."

They were really annoying, I understand sometimes I can be a little too hyper but was I really that bad?

"Yes." Edward smirked from his spot on the other side of the room. We were all in the living room awaiting our guests. We had about fifteen minutes before they'd be here yet.

"Hey Alice, let's go run around the house a few times." Emmett chuckled.

Carlisle looked up from the book he was reading, "No Emmett. Just wait they'll be here soon."

"What are we supposed to do?" Bella asked nervously. It would be her first time on national television. Well all of ours really, except Lexi that little actress her. I don't know how she got people to stop following her around once she moved here. Everyone was all over her.

Lexi shrugged, "They just want to film us all together so on the show they can show video of us when they introduce our family and stuff."

"Lexi you're so good at this." Emmett smiled.

"I can't imagine why. Its not like I've been doing this since I was six months old." Lexi grinned tightening her grip around Jasper. I swear those two are like the second cutest couple ever. After Cooper and I of course.

Edward stared at me, "Could you be any more random?"

I nodded, "Of course! Do you want me to be?"

"No that would not be appreciated."

"You can listen to my thoughts Edward, I'll be consistent." Emmett winked at him trying his hardest not to laugh.

Lexi burst out laughing along with Jasper and Cooper. We all knew exactly what he had meant.

"Children, calm yourselves." Carlisle tried to keep us in order. Tried.

After a few moments Carlisle sighed, "Jasper I said yourselves not me."

Lexi once again burst out in a giggle fit. She laughs all the time at like everything. Seriously.

"And you're hyper all the time at like everything. Seriously." Edward mimicked me.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Are you making fun of me?" Lexi asked me.

"Do you have to ask? You can read minds too." Emmett nudged her.

Cooper rolled his eyes, "Lexi can do everything. She's like a vampire with every gift in the world except she's human."

"Which would make her a human that can do everything." Edward corrected.

"Not true. I can't..oh wait, I can do that. Um, I can't break glass with my voice." Lexi smiled.

Jasper chuckled, "Yes you can, you showed me remember?"

Lexi frowned, "Oh yeah. Never mind."

"See I told you." Cooper crossed his arms around me.

The doorbell rang.

My face instantly lit up, "They're here!"

Carlisle and Esme stood up and got the door. They greeted the crew and showed them inside.

We all stood and smiled at the people.

"Whoa! Aren't you Alexis Olson?" One guys jaw dropped.

Lexi sighed, "Yes I am."

He shook Lexi's hand and waved the makeup ladies over.

After a half hour we were all full of powdery crap and ready to be filmed. They took us outside and filmed us by the house, then they took some film of us doing our normal daily activities.

Once they were finished they requested an interview with Lexi.

"Are you going to actually ask me questions about my family and the show or are you just going to ask me where I've been for the past two years?" She demanded.

The guys shrugged and took her aside.

"You know what I think?" Cooper announced when the camera people were busy quizzing Lexi.

"What?" Emmett asked stroking Rosalie's hair.

"I think the only reason we got on this show was because of Lexi."

We all looked at him thinking.

I sighed, "Yeah probably. It sure wasn't because of that video Emmett sent in."

"Hey that was a good video!" He frowned.

"Do we ever get to see that?" Jasper asked him.

Lexi scoffed coming back into the living room, "No, stupid over there forgot to burn a copy of it."

All of us groaned at him.

"Really Emmett? Really? How could you forget?" Coopy looked mad.

Emmett looked down at the ground, "I'm sorry! I was just so excited..."

"You don't think much do you child?" Lexi shook her head at him.

"I think all the time."

"Coulda fooled me."

We all laughed at them. They were so weird sometimes.

MPV

"Kelsey! Look at your skirt! Pull that down its much to short!" I yelled at my middle child. I swear she tries to make me mad sometimes!

"I'm sorry ma'am." She pulled down her skirt until it an appropriate length.

I pulled at her hair, "Did you even wash this? This is absolutely disgusting! Its all snarly and gross. No wonder why you can't get a boyfriend."

"Maybe that's because you won't let us date." Matthew spoke up.

Jeremy instantly got in his face, "For the love of all that's Holy! What is your problem? How dare you speak to your mother like that! I am going to punish you for disorderly disobedience!"

He took Matthews phone, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it.

"I have just punished you for disorderly disobedience!" Jeremy yelled.

I clapped my hands to get my kids attention, "Listen up! The Wife Swap crew will be here any minute and I want this family to show the world just how perfect and wonderful we are! So no more talking back or inappropriate clothes. Put on smiles, have pretty feet and hands, make eye contact, and be on your best behavior!"

Alissa rose her hand, "Will this interfere with our activities?"

"What a responsible question. How fabulous." Jeremy commented.

"No I've made sure it will not." I answered her.

She nodded and smiled, but it wasn't a full smile. It confused me.

There was a knock on the door and I rushed to go get it. The crew came in and I greeted them immediately.

I was very dissatisfied. They showed absolutely no interest in our family whatsoever. The camera men looked bored, the makeup ladies could've used makeup themselves. It was horrid. I was so glad when they left, ugh filthy pigs messing up my house!

"That was not fabulous." Jeremy stuck his nose up in disgust.

I turned to the kids, "Go! Change now! We're going to be late! Move it!"

LPV

"This is so disgusting." I told Jasper as we laid in his bed. It was ten o' clock at night and tomorrow was the day Esme would be leaving.

He looked at me funny, "What are you talking about?"

"I hate seeing the future and reading minds." I buried my face in his bare chest.

"Why?"

I looked at him, "Esme's leaving tomorrow...can't you feel it?"

He shrugged, "Baby I'm feeling love everywhere. I can't pinpoint it to one spot."

"Do you feel it here too?" I asked giving him a kiss.

Jasper smirked, "No I don't feel anything."

I kissed him again, "How about now?"

"Still nothing."

It took me a half hour of kissing him before he finally felt it. Stubborn boy.

I wasn't able to sleep until almost two in the morning. Even with Jaspers help I couldn't. Of course he fell asleep before me but when he was awake and making me tired I couldn't.

The next morning we all sat down at the table to have breakfast together. Edward walked in with Bella in tow and sat down.

It only took two seconds before he burst out laughing.

"Enjoying the gift of mind reading I see." He teased me.

I glared at him. "Shut up Edward. I know why you don't stay at home certain days now."

Edward chuckled at my misery. "Fun stuff huh? Come on Lexi you loved it. You thought it was the hottest thing ever."

"I'm going to shove this pancake down your fucking throat if you don't knock it off."

Emmett and Cooper burst out laughing. The rest of the family stared at me wide eyed.

"Oh...my...God." Cooper gasped between laughing fits.

"Lexi doesn't swear often but when she does it's hilarious!" Emmett boomed.

Esme and Carlisle still stared in shock.

I shrugged and continued eating. Jasper looked at me also in shock.

"I have never heard you swear before." Jasper shook his head like he didn't believe I'd actually said it.

Once again I just shrugged not saying anything.

The shock wore off and we continued eating. The crew came back at eleven to take Esme away.

"I'm gonna miss you mom!" Emmett cried.

Esme gave him a hug, "I'll miss you too sweetheart."

She went down the line of kids hugging all of us and telling us to be good.

"Try to keep them under control." She told Edward, Bella and, I.

I gave her a hug, "I'll try mom."

Carlisle was last, but I certainly didn't think they needed much more of a goodbye after last night. Edward snickered at my thoughts.

"Pancake down throat." I warned him. He instantly shut up.

We were told we had to leave after Esme left so the new mom could explore the house.

"I don't want some stranger going through my stuff!" Emmett complained.

Carlisle shook his head, "She's not going to go through your stuff. Now get in the Volvo and behave."

MPV

The limo took me down a long winding road deep in the forest. How far out of town did the these people live?

"I bet these people live in some dumpy cabin." I told the cameras.

Finally we pulled into a driveway, but not into a cabin. The house was a mansion! Three stories high and painted a crisp white color, it was beautiful. Much more beautiful than I'd like to admit.

I took my suitcase and unlocked the door with the key a camera man gave me. I took one step inside and gasped. This place was huge!

To the left of the door was a huge staircase that led to the second story. To the right was a hallway that I found out led to the kitchen and dining room. All the countertops were granite and the appliances stainless steel. The best of the best. The cupboards contained a whole bunch of baking goods, junk food, and worst of all alcohol.

"Do they let their kids have access to all of this?"

I went into the dining room and found the rule book. I took it with me out of the room but didn't read it yet, I wanted to see more of the house. The living room was a huge open area with a big piano on the right side. There were three cream couches facing a gigantic television with every gaming system imaginable underneath it.

"These poor kids' minds are probably rotten from all this crap. The parents have no concept of moderation at all!"

I decided to head upstairs. At the top of the staircase was a huge room. Painted a maroon color with cherry wood floors the room spelled love but with a childish touch. Satin sheets and tons of pillows covered the bed. More gaming systems, even more than downstairs were below the TV. One whole section of the wall next to the TV was dedicated to the different games that went along with each console. I couldn't stand to even go inside of it.

"Just stepping inside the room would be a sin."

To the right of that room was one slightly smaller than the one before but still ungodly huge. It was painted a light open blue with light wood floors. There was a huge bookshelf facing the door with windows on either of it. In between there was the bed, that was against the east wall, covered with a striped comforter that was all different shades of blue and green. There was no TV thank God. But a few white dressers. One had a whole bunch of jewelry on it. The other had a stereo system and two stacks of colored duct tape. I decided this room was safe to walk into. There was a door I hadn't noticed next to the bed, I opened it and saw a huge closet filled with girls and boys clothes.

"The parents allow their children to share rooms with the opposite gender?! This is absurd!"

To the right of that room was yet another bedroom. This one was painted a dim green with subtle hints of yellow and blue all around the room. The bed comforter was no doubt once again stain but was a solid bright green to counter act the dim walls. There was a TV in this room like the first but not as many gaming systems were under it. And they're wasn't a wall dedicated to the games that went with them. There was a vanity table against the same wall that the door was on, once again saying that a boy and girl shared this room. At the ends of the hallway were bathrooms one decorated in pinks, yellows, and purples, the other not decorated at all.

I went up to the third floor where there was a big bright open room two of the four walls were glass. The wall to the right of the door was covered in music CDs. A huge stereo sat under the shelves of music. The bed was to the left of the door, very neatly made but still showing slight signs that this room wasn't the parents.

The next room was one of books. They covered the walls in great chestnut shelves. In the center of the room was a desk with a laptop on it. It reminded me of a deans office.

The final room I went in on the third floor besides the bathroom was obviously the parents. Decorated in subtle neutral colors and extremely neat it screamed mom and dad. There was a picture of the occupants above the bed. I couldn't help but gawk at their beauty.

I went back down to the first floor and sat on the middle couch. I opened up the manual to see what the mother had to say about her family.

_Welcome to the Cullen household! I'm sure you have many questions about our house and our way of living. These two weeks you'll be replacing me, Esme._

_Our schedule isn't all that complicated and should be very simple to follow. I wake up every morning at six am and get the kids up for school. They handle everything else with getting ready and eating and all that good stuff on their own. The only trouble could be that one of the girls, usually Lexi, doesn't wear something Alice thinks is classy enough. This problem usually corrects itself by Jasper arguing with Alice and then Jasper and Cooper yelling because Jasper was yelling at Alice. If this yelling between the boys lasts for more then ten minutes Lexi will break it up. The other problem could be what car they take. This problem will also usually correct itself but if it doesn't Carlisle will intervene. If he gets called into work early, he's a doctor at the local hospital, have Lexi break it up._

_After the kids leave for school, I clean the house not including the kids rooms. Once that is done the rest of the day is mine to relax or spend time in my garden outside._

_The kids will usually be home around four. When they're home they will do their homework and then the rest of the time is there's to do whatever. Carlisle will return from work at five unless called in by the hospital. Its very rare that we eat dinner together with everyone's schedules so dinner is a make it yourself._ _Most of the time Lexi will be making her own dinner and the boys will ask her to make them something too. This could end in two ways: Lexi makes supper or Lexi doesn't make supper. If she does, I help her with the task. If she doesn't there be a lot of complaining but it usually doesn't last long._

_There's no bed times for the kids so they go to bed whenever they want the only rule with that is that they must be quiet after Carlisle and I go to bed around eleven._

_As for our children, we have adopted six children: Emmett, Rosalie, Cooper, Jasper, Alice, and Edward._

_Emmett is our oldest, Rosalie found him dying in the woods after being mauled by a bear. He's a very fun and lovable person despite his size and looks. As Lexi says, he's a giant teddy bear. More often then not, he will get into some trouble pulling pranks on people or fighting with his brothers. Carlisle and Lexi know exactly how to handle it should he get out of hand._

_Rosalie and Cooper, the twins, are our second oldest. Rosalie is a very beautiful young woman inside and out. She may seem cool and distant at first but once you break past her shell you'll see the great person she really is. Cooper is a lot like Emmett except not as big. He's a lot of jokes and pranks. Coopers forever laughing at something he did to his siblings or his siblings did on their own or to one another._

_Jasper comes next, he is Rosalie and Coopers biological younger brother. Jasper may seem cold and distant but he's really not. Give him a chance and he'll show you just how funny and open he really is. Trust me his happiness is contagious._

_Edward is the most mature of our children. Not to say they aren't mature, they are, but Edward is more calm and shows his maturity more often with or without his siblings._ _But he's not always like that. Sometimes he can be the fuel to his siblings fire._

_Alice is our youngest, littlest and the most hyper child. She's a very happy bubbly person. Alice also loves loves to shop. We don't limit how much the children spend, they all have black cards, so its no problem. But I should warn you, don't let her size fool you. She can be very fierce and determined especially when she puts her mind to something._

_A couple other people you'll see around the house a lot would be Bella and Lexi._

_Bella is Edwards girlfriend. She doesn't stay with us, she lives with her father Charlie, but visits quite frequently and often has sleepovers with Alice. She's a very kindhearted and thoughtful girl and I'm sure you'll love her._

_Alexis, she prefers to be called Lexi, is Jaspers girlfriend. I've mentioned her quite a few times already; she's our peacekeeper. I've never seen my children so wild and fun and open since Jasper brought her home. She's very helpful and absolutely hilarious. She's been instructed not to let the boys break down the house and to help you keep control of them. Lexi more often then not stays with us. Her aunt has full custody of her but her aunt is rarely ever home, in fact I think her and her sisters are in California right now, and she let's Lexi and her sisters do whatever they want so Lexi chooses to stay here and of course she's always welcome. She can be your best friend or your worst enemy depending on how you treat her._

_As for rules we have 3 main rules:_

_1. No swearing. This is a rule Emmett and Rosalie break shamelessly so don't really be alarmed or surprised at all._

_2. No fighting inside the house. Physical fighting we mean, they've broken many things this way_

_3. Knock and wait for someone to say come in before you enter a room other than the garage. Even if its silent in the room, just wait. Trust me its better this way. If there's no one in the room the door will be open._

_Now I'm sure you're also wondering why there's 5 rooms and 9 people in the house including Lexi. Since our children aren't actually related, except Rosalie, Cooper, and Jasper, we allow them to date within the family. We see nothing wrong with this and its not illegal in anyway. The pairs are: Emmett and Rosalie, Cooper and Alice, and as I said before, Jasper and Alexis, and Bella and Edward._

_Please do not in anyway question the children or make comments on how they're allowed to do this. They are all very very defensive over their boyfriend/girlfriend. Especially do no say anything or make comments to Alexis. Alexis is very protective_ _over us and our children. We are the only real family she has left. So if you value yourself you won't talk to Lexi about it._

_I hope you have a great couple of weeks, please feel free to go to Carlisle if you have any questions!_

I gapped at what shed written.

"She allows these children to date within the family! This Alexis girl is more of a parent then she is and she's not even related to them! They're kids walk all over them! This is all going to change when I get to make the rules!"

LPV

"Please! How hard is it to let me drive?" I begged Cooper.

He frowned at me, "Its a stick shift."

"So I know how to drive stick! Please!"

"No go away!" Cooper swatted at my hands.

I glared at him, "I can't go away. You're my ride home!"

"Oh yeah. Still you're not driving."

"Cooper I hate you forever."

Carlisle checked his phone, "Come on we can start heading back now."

I got in Coopers car with Jasper, Alice, and Carlisle making comments every time Cooper shifted on how crappy the shift was and how I could do way better.

"For the love of God! If you don't stop on going to come back there and beat you." Cooper threatened.

"Jasper, Cooper threatened me!" I tattled.

Jasper glared at Cooper, "If you don't stop threatening her I'll rip you up and burn the pieces myself."

"Are you happy now," Cooper asked. "Are you happy now that you have Jasper to fight your fights for you?"

I sent electricity through the car breaking the engine. "How'd you like that?" I giggled.

Cooper pulled over to the side of the road. "Jasper if you don't get your girlfriend out of this car and as far away from me as possible I'm going to murder her right now."

Jasper took my hand and helped me out of the car. "You shouldn't have done that, you should've at least waited until we were home."

Carlisle shook his head trying not to laugh at Jasper's words.

"We'll have to run now." Alice sighed.

I shrugged, "Fine by me."

I took off as fast as I could towards the Cullen's house. Jasper was right on my tail.

It didn't take us long to get home. Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, and Bella were waiting for us.

"What took ya so long?" Emmett chuckled.

Cooper shook his head, "Don't ask."

"He doesn't have to, Edward already told him." I said as Emmett gave me a high five.

Carlisle ushered us inside, "Best behavior."

He opened the door and greeted the lady, "Hello. I apologize for our late arrival, we had some car troubles."

Emmett snickered and Cooper glared at him.

"I'm Carlisle Cullen." Carlisle said shaking her hand.

"Melinda Goven." The lady smiled at Carlisle like he was fresh meat. Awkward.

He took a step back allowing us to introduce ourselves.

We went down the line saying our names.

The lady looked at me, "Alexis? As in Alexis Olson the actress?"

I nodded.

"Wow. I remember my nieces watching you on TV when they were little." She smiled then frowned, "TVs such a rotten thing." She muttered.

"Lexi enjoys the TV in her head." Edward snickered referring to last nights 'TV'.

I glared at him, "Pancake down throat Edward Cullen. Pancake down throat."

Emmett busted out laughing again.

Carlisle sighed, "Is it really still that funny?"

"Yes." Emmett laughed.

"Allow me to show you to your room." Carlisle said leading her upstairs.

MPV

Carlisle seemed like a very divine man. His kids were a bit different but he was fine. I still couldn't get over the fact that Alexis Olson a international TV actress and singer ended up here with Jasper. He was so quiet and depressed looking. What on Earth could she see in him?

Carlisle led me upstairs to the third floor. I saw I'd missed a room. A spare one apparently. He let me unpack in peace. I thought of my kids as I put my things in drawers. God knew what horrible things that woman would do to them. The second week she'd probably rot their brains and teeth. It'd be horrible. That woman let's her kids walk all over her...when she comes back she'll be on her knees thanking me for the good I'd done to her kids. She'll see and so would the whole world.

I came downstairs and saw the boys rotting their minds on a stupid video game. My children would never be allowed to play whatever violent killing game they had going on. Does nothing but teach kids violence! And how to sin! Alice and Rosalie were reading some expensive magazine about expensive clothes that would burn in hell. And Lexi was joining in on that violence crap.

Carlisle was just sitting on the couch reading paying no attention to his kids. Just letting them rot their minds! He's a doctor, shouldn't he know how bad that was! I prayed this new mom wasn't allowing my kids to do that stuff. I do not want my kids to go to hell. She can take her kids there but she can't take mine!

LPV

I looked at Edward. Wondering if he was listening to me. We were pretty good at mind conversations as long as we were paying attention.

Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward!

He looked at me, What?

Do you hear her?

Melinda? He asked me confused.

Yeah, she's hilarious you gotta listen to this!

He was silent for a few moments listening to Melinda's ranting about how we were going to hell because we were playing Grand Theft Auto 4. Well she didn't know what it was called, but that's what what we were playing.

Edward chuckled at her latest topic, Esme taking her kids to hell.

Yeah right! Esme's the most caring and loving person I've ever met! No way she goes to hell.

Edward shrugged

I knew his feelings on vampires and going to hell were different then mine. I didn't figure he'd like that too much. I didn't understand how he thought he could go to hell. He's not a bad person. Why would he have to go? If the Cullen's have to go so does everyone else in this world.

Edward smiled, Thank you Lexi.

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews! They're really appreciated! I promise Chapter three will be about Esme meeting the Goven family. I hope you liked! :))**


	4. Chapter Three

ESPV

After I got off the plane Syracuse New York the limo took me to a small suburban home. It was two stories high and painted a deep brown. There were flowers along the rocky uneven pathway leading to the door that were beginning to wilt. The whole place had a sad and depressed feeling, it made me think of my poor children. I certainly hoped that the new mother didn't have the same vibe as the house.

I opened the door and looked around. To the left of the door was the kitchen. It was extremely small and needed updating. The countertops had permanent stains from various spills and whatnot.

Attached to the kitchen was a small dining room. The table seated five people, leaving me to believe they had three kids. My beliefs were confirmed upstairs when I found four rooms, one for the parents, another for a boy who I guessed was a teenager, one for me, and the last one for two girls who I also thought were teenaged or at least almost teenaged.

I headed back downstairs into the shabby looking living room and found the manual on a small wooden coffee table that was at least three years old. The manual read:

_Hello poor American mother! I am the one and only Melinda Goven and you will_ be _replacing me these next two weeks._

_Everyday I wake up at six thirty. Then, I get the kids up for school. Alissa and Kelsey make breakfast which we eat as a family. My husband then leaves for work and Matt and Kelsey clean up. I drive the kids to school then I go do volunteer work at the hospital. After that I pick the kids up and bring them home. They have a half hour to clean the house before they're first sport. If the house isn't done to my standards in the half hour, they are reprimanded. The schedule for the kids sports and activities is on the counter. After I take them to those various activities they are to come home and do homework. They are not allowed to do it in the car because they might get carsick. The kids must be in bed by eleven whether they have their homework done or not._

_I have three children, Matt, Kelsey, and Alissa. They are perfect. Much more perfect than you're children. They're clearly much more intelligent than you so don't even try to pretend for the cameras._

_We participated in this show to help a needy unruly family. We hope you accept our help. Also I've left money in one of the drawers in your room because I'll know you'll need it_.

I jumped up and slammed the book closed. I was absolutely livid!

"How dare that woman say those things about me and my family! We are not needy! I don't need that money! She hasn't even met me or my family and she already assumes that we're poor and uneducated! This woman...she's..she's..she's!" I stopped my rant after noticing the cameras. After a few deep breaths I hoped that that part wouldn't be aired as I ran my hands over my dress. What would Carlisle's coworkers think? We'd probably have to move again. Poor guy.

"They're here." A camera man told me even though he didn't have to. I could their car pulling up the rocky driveway. The car doors creaked as they opened and closed. The smell of rust and gasoline filled the room as they entered the house. And they thought I was the poor one.

The father was an older man, much older than me or Carlisle, looking to be in his early to mid forties. His dark brown hair was thinning and greasy. He was extremely lanky and small not very muscled at all.

There was three children who introduced themselves to me after they came into the living room.

Matthew was the oldest, 16 years old. He, like his father, had dark brown hair and green eyes that reminded me of emeralds. Kelsey was the middle child with blonde hair and green eyes. She reminded me of Lexi and Bella. So quiet, yet so fun and sweet. Jeremy, their father said she was 14. Alissa was the youngest child. Only 11, she was so sweet and cute! I fell in love with them all. My heart went out to them. All of them so innocent and sweet I couldn't believe the lifestyle their father spoke of.

My heart broke for these poor children. I was already thinking of all the things I'd change when the week was over. I'd give these kids the best week of their lives. I just feared for my kids next week. God knew what they'd have to do or what they'd have to dress like and all those things. I knew whatever they had to do they wouldn't like it. In that sense, I feared for the new mother. Boy would she have one heck of a time! My kids new how to mess with someone, and I knew by the words she put in the manual that she would have words to say about my family. I just hope she took my advice when it came to her words and Lexi. She was the sweetest girl I knew but God when someone messed with the people she cared about there would be, pardon my French, hell to pay.

Jeremy showed me to my room and let me unpack my bags. I knew the kids wouldn't come and visit me, they were much to weary, bless their hearts. It made me sad to think that they would be afraid to talk to me. I prayed, for the first time in years, that I could make a difference in these kids lives. I want to show them that they can live a good life. I want to show them that no matter what happens to them that it isn't their fault and they're good people. I wish I could just take them away from this life, but I couldn't.

I prayed that my family could show this mom that life isn't all about making kids miserable and that kids should be allowed to have fun and express themselves with activities they choose. Not ones the parents chose for them.

After I finished unpacking I sat on my bed and looked at the clock, 11:43. I wondered if my kids would still be awake. Or at least Carlisle. Oh who was I kidding, of course they'd be up. It'd only be 8 or 9 over there. I grabbed my phone and dialed the house phone.

It rung three times before being answered.

"Hello?" Carlisle answered the phone.

I smiled, "Hi honey."

"Esme! How are you my dear? How was your flight? How's the family?"

"Esme?" I heard Lexi ask.

"I wanna talk to Esme!" Emmett boomed.

Poor mother she surely wasn't getting any sleep.

Carlisle shushed them both.

"Tell her to get on Skype!" Alice yelled.

I looked at my laptop, "Do I have Skype on there?"

"Yes you do! Just turn on the laptop and click on the Skype symbol on your desktop!" Lexi instructed me.

"Give me that back!" I heard Carlisle snap at her.

I followed her instructions and soon enough I was getting a video call from Lexi.

I hit accept and was greeted with a chorus of hellos, hi's, and Esme's.

"Hello my children. And Carlisle who's not my child." I smiled.

"How's the new family?" Alice asked bouncing up and down. Jasper rubbed his temples and I figured he was having a heck of a time trying to keep her from exploding with excitement.

I sighed my face turning into a frown, "Not well. These poor kids are overworked and have absolutely no free time. They're not even treated like kids, they're more like slaves! They were so afraid to speak to me, well let's be honest, they were afraid to do anything! The fathers more like a drill Sargent then a dad. Its awful. It breaks my heart to think of kids being treated this way. The oldest ones only 16 the youngest is 11. Being brought up in this kind of environment can't be healthy," I sighed again, "what's the mom like?"

"She's a bitch." Emmett replied automatically.

Lexi, Cooper, and Jasper laughed.

"Language Emmett." Carlisle reminded him, just like every time he swore. It wasn't making a difference so I really didn't know why he did it. Old habit probably.

Lexi smirked, "Well she is."

Carlisle sighed, "She just has a different way of doing things than us, that's all."

I considered telling him about what she put in the manual but decided to save it. If I told them they would make the new moms life, pardon my French, hell.

We talked for about an hour on other random things my kids could think of. Emmett and Lexi argued a bit, then Jasper and Emmett argued because Emmett was arguing with Lexi. The mating pull was strong in that one. It was very entertaining though, especially when Emmett had had enough and he covered his ears, squeezed his eyes shut, stuck out his tongue at Jasper and, kept repeating "LA LA LA LA," over and over again. It was quite humorous.

I said goodnight to my family after that and tried to go to sleep on the rugged and cheap mattress. I wasn't very successful, I was so used to my nice soft and fluffy bed, to come to this flat and firm bed was horrible.

"At least its a bed and a place to stay." I told my self closing my eyes for the fifth time tonight; my feeble attempts at sleeping.

MPV

I could hear them. Still. It was 11:24 and the demons were still up. I got up and went downstairs. Emmett and Cooper were still playing that mind rotting video game. Edward was softly playing his piano, at least he was trying to be quiet. Sort of. Lexi and Jasper were no where to be found. Alice and Rosalie were on the couch, music playing from the arm of the couch where a music player thing with a weird apple on it was, looking through magazines with pictures of clothes in them.

"Don't you kids ever sleep?" I barked at them. None of them acknowledged my presence, let alone the fact I spoke.

Edward finally said something, "We go to bed whenever we want."

"Oh so now?" I glared at them.

Someone else came downstairs.

"Children, what is the one rule about bedtime?" Carlisle asked standing on the bottom step of the stairway. Finally some parenting going on.

"We must be quiet after eleven when you go to bed." They all repeated the rule.

"And what time is it?" He questioned them.

Alice looked at the music player, "11:31."

Carlisle smiled, "Exactly. Quiet time. Turn down the music and the video games, please."

They all did as they were told and Carlisle went back upstairs after apologizing to me for the noise.

That was it? I couldn't believe that was it! No yelling at them, no telling them to go to bed! Just a simple turn down the volume? Does this man know how to parent at all!? I went back up to my room completely shocked that they weren't even punished for their rude behavior. Another thing I would fix when the rules came around. The way this man operates his family is absurd and a disgrace to the rest of the human race! I would have to have a serious talk with him tomorrow.

I got back into bed and tried to sleep, which wasn't hard. These were the softest beds I'd ever slept on. It killed me to think someone had nicer things than me. The only thing keeping me sane was the fact that I knew they'd be going to hell for all the material possessions they had. How on Earth did these bad people end up with this nice stuff while me, the perfect person with a perfect family, ended up with nothing? I am not one to question the Lord but I swear he messed something up!

My alarm went off the next morning at six, which was way too early considering the amount of sleep I got with those demon children last night. I showered, got dressed, and went downstairs.

Carlisle was sitting at the island in the kitchen with Lexi while Jasper made an omelet.

I grabbed a water and sat down next to Lexi.

"Good morning Melinda," Carlisle greeted me, "how did you sleep?"

"Well, thank you."

Jasper set down an omelet in front of Lexi, "My lady."

She thanked him and gave him a kiss.

Internally I shuddered. Kids these days showing affection and making out. It was disgusting. Yet another thing I would change come next week.

ESPV

I woke up at five unable to sleep. It would take me a while to get to the bed I guess. I took the longest shower possible and took forever with my hair hoping it would be six thirty when I was done. Luckily it was. Alissa and Kesley were making pancakes and bacon for breakfast, it was lovely. We all sat down at the table and ate when they were finished.

"Girls this is a wonderful breakfast." I complimented them.

They looked at each other shocked. "Thank you Esme."

"Actually I find this rather bland. The pancakes are too overdone and the bacon could've been left on the griddle for about two more minutes. Absolutely not fabulous." Jeremy sneered.

I stared at him in disbelief. "These two girls just made you breakfast. You didn't have to do any of the work, they served you hand and foot and you have the guts to tell them it was disgusting. Shame on you. This is the best breakfast I've ever eaten and it should be to you too. I'd honestly love to see you do better than they did today. I bet all the money in my bank account, which is more than five digits, that you couldn't do any better."

Jeremy glared at me, "How dare you come into my home and speak to me like that. Don't you tell me how to speak to my children. They did a horrible job and I'm going to tell them that they did a horrible job."

"Horrible job? These girls did a wonderful job! You should be proud that they even know how to make food for themselves, let alone their family. I'm shocked that a parent could even say such a thing. In fact it makes me feel horrible inside knowing that parents could say those things to a child."

"No," Kelsey spoke up, "he's right we did do bad. I'm sorry father, we'll do better next time."

He stood up pleased with himself and went to work. As Kesley and Matt cleaned up, I lingered in the kitchen to talk to Kelsey.

"Sweetheart, why would you apologize to your father for your breakfast? It was very good."

She signed, "Its better to tell him what he wants to hear rather than argue with him."

"So you just let him degrade you two like that?"

"You don't understand, its just simpler to what they want. We know it'll never be good enough, but if we don't try we'll be punished. At least we can try and be okay."

I smiled at her, "Well honey, I want you to know that I thought it was a wonderful breakfast and I'm extremely proud of you. You know, my son Jasper is seventeen and he had never cooked before in his life until he got a girlfriend and she asked him to make her an omelet. He had no clue how to do it and wasted half a dozen eggs trying. She had to teach him how to cook her an omelet."

Kesley laughed at my son. "That's so sad. He's seventeen?"

I nodded, "So whenever your father tells you that you did a bad job at breakfast, I want you to picture my son having to be taught by his girlfriend how to make omelets after burning three of them."

She went and got her backpack laughing. I smiled, feeling good I could make her feel good even if it was at Jasper's expense. I knew he wouldn't mind. He probably would've done the same thing.

After driving the children to school, I went to the hospital to volunteer. I smiled thinking of my husband as I entered the building. If only this was the Forks hospital.

**Chapter tres complete :) thank you for all the reviews! I'll try to update as much as possible as quickly as possible! :))**


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